How can it be that the leaves are already falling from the trees. Every year it is the same, with the summer passing in a flurry of warmth and activity.
Although this year was comparable… in many ways it was completely different.
For you see, this was my first summer without Roland.
For myself, much of the summer felt as if a dream, the reality ever-present but not yet fully accepted.
The challenges were many, the main one being our seasonal campsite at Debonair . Could I keep doing this by myself… just me and the dogs? Did I even want to?
Feeling uncertain, but knowing Roland would want this for me, I decided to give it a go. With the help of my kids, we opened the trailer and cleaned the campsite. It felt so good to be back but the feeling that something was missing was heavy and I was inundated with sadness.
The first weekend there, just me and the dogs, I felt and saw Roland everywhere. The sense of his presence was both comforting and daunting. The memories and tears were many.
But even with that, the stillness and the stars provided much comfort and occasionally, especially at dusk while sitting outside, I could sense that maybe we would be okay.
The summer days lived up to their promise bringing sun-filled warmth and star-filled nights. Family and friends came often to share my days and lift my spirits. Their company and their presence helped me better accept the quiet times where grief reigned and memories ruled.
And the dogs, both Lacie and Odin… they not only kept me busy but more often than not, entertained.
Now September is coming to an end and, once more with the help of my kids, the campsite is closed and winterized.
I can’t say that my summer experience was a complete success but it leaves me hopeful for the summers to come and I am already looking forward to and making plans for next year’s go around.
Miss you Roland, everyday!
Wish you were here.