Today we said our final good-bye to Bear… he was an extraordinary feline and we feel honoured to have loved him.
Bear came into our lives 14 years ago… a handsome manly Manx cat with a bob of a tail and a stealthily stance. He ruled our “house of canines” and owned our hearts.
Sadly, this morning I found Bear collapsed. Sadness engulfed me as the truth filled my heart. As gently as possible I picked him up, wrapped him in one of his kitty blankets and placed him in his current favourite spot on the futon. I held him close. He did not seem to be in any pain and actually purred while being stroked. I could sense his shallow breaths and could feel the rapid beat of his little heart beneath my touch. I held him close and whispered in his ear, “You are a good cat, Bear… we love you”.
We were all there when he passed… Roland, Coco, Lacie and I. We stayed close as he peacefully slipped away. His breaths and heartbeat no longer detectable beneath my hand.
Sadness filled me… but so did a peace I did not expect. I feel very blessed to have shared this sweet souls life right to the end.
Thank you Bear for this final last gift. I will remember you always. I will miss your soft purrs in my ear as I drift off to sleep. I wish you well as you continue on your way.
I wanted to see him again, to say goodby the way that I wanted. Then I realized if I got my way, I’d never say goodbye.”
This morning we awoke to grey skies and the rumblings of thunder. Rain occasionally hit against the windows.. but it was a soft, gently type of rain… befitting of the day, I suppose.
Rain or no rain… Sadie and I went for one last walk in our field. She hasn’t been able to be out there much the past month or so… her pain is such that long walks haven’t been feasible.
But this morning we headed out through the back gate… just her and I. The rain softly falling.
As soon as we entered the field I slipped off her lead. Today she would decide which way to go… and I would follow. We slowly walked along the fence line, Sadie’s nose to the ground enjoying her time and all the fresh smells that a light rain brings.
We had not gone too far when Sadie simply stopped and looked about. She looked up at me with her sad brown eyes and I could sense her fatigue.
“It’s OK girl” I said, “We can go back.”
But before we did I knelt down beside her and held her lovely big old face as close to mine as possible, touching noses… and then a kiss. My eyes were level with hers and I looked into them as deeply as I could… searching for her spirit… wanting her to know, somehow to sense, that no matter what… we would always be together.
“I love your Sadie… I love you so much. Please come back and walk beside me. I will be waiting for you.”
I gathered her into my arms for one big hug and then I rose, we turned and started our slow walk back to the gate. The rain had stopped and for just a short moment the sun shone through, transforming the field into a green glistening meadow. Sadie and I walked side by side back to the yard… one last time.
Love you Sadie Girl… forever and always.
“We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.”
~ Irving Townsend